Christmas and New Years at home were exactly what I needed. I won’t lie… I think I slept for a week straight, and then spent another week in bed. I felt awfully lazy, but my body was crying for the rest I kept it from during the semester. Phew.
Christmas was a normal Christmas: the guys worked all day, mom and I spent the day at the office, and then we opened gifts at 9PM. Yay. Still, I was blessed to have a day with my mother and fewer interruptions than we normally have!
I thought I was fine with my diagnosis. I really did. It was rather a cut-and-dry situation: have surgery, recover, graduate, begin grad school. Bam, bam, bam. What I found out when I didn’t have school to distract me, though, was how deeply I was disturbed. Never have I had so much fear sitting inside of me.
One night I began to watch pituitary macroadenoma surgeries on youtube…. but that got a quick kabosh! Nooo… no, not gonna do that! I’m not squeamish in the least. Blood and guts? No problemo. Seeing up what could be my nose in the near future? No thank you!
(Also, as a side note, I found out that I have an aversion to nose hairs. shudder!)
It was really difficult to process because I felt like no one understood; but I wasn’t actively reaching out to people to talk my way through it because I felt that I’d already bothered everyone enough. No, no, no. Bad idea. Don’t go down that road.
Bless his heart, my boyfriend handled an emotional explosion quite well and saw it for what it was: not about anything I was spouting off about, but the fear under the surface.
On the 8th I had an appointment with (I’m told) the premier pituitary neurosurgeon in the region, and he told me that I had been misdiagnosed. The posterior pituitary stains poorly for MRIs, and the anterior lobe stains brightly. Someone mistook the posterior portion as a tumor.
… Isn’t this your day job?
Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
There is no brain tumor.
No tumor, no surgery, no recovery, no nose hairs. Praise. God.
The tumor never explained the symptoms that I’ve been experiencing, so with that checked off the list we’re going to continue to pursue the real cause. I have an appointment with a cardiologist in a little under two weeks to do some more tests.
God is faithful. I just have to remember that.